Frivolous Scribbles

By the time you read this, I would probably be asleep thinking about you, the late night conversations that we lately had, and the spaces between my fingers where yours should have been. To be honest, you changed me, I would never thought that I can be this defenseless. I never believed that I, who is more of a realist, would be brave enough to consider a certain dream where you will be waiting for me.

I'm just enjoying the breaths that I take, absorbing what's left of you while you're dozing off, and realizing how much can a person just complete you so. I would be dreaming about the future that we share, the little jokes that wouldn't stop making our heart race, and all the plans that we have made... if I hadn't been scared. It just weighs me so that the more you fall for someone and the more you get convinced to them, the more you'd be afraid of the reality to be taking them away from you. Sometimes, it's that ironic.

I want to fight my fears with you. Even though I would end up hurting myself, I just wanted to love you more than this. I don't know what spell you cast on me, I even loved your selfishness. In the end, this might sound like I'm daydreaming or that I am just that unsteady when it is about you. Anything can happen in the future and I don't know if I'm taking the right steps every time I try to get closer to you, but what I know is that... you made me a believer.

Whenever people ask me about my strengths and weaknesses, I always said to them "My strength is acknowledging my weaknesses, and my weakness is being fully aware of my strengths". It's because I don't really believe that there's something you can't actually do in this world, in the end we failed to achieve something because either we don't really put all of our heart into it or we just need more time and another try to be able to get to that point. And just to add, duality has always been my mentor's favorite subject to discuss about.

Black and white, yin and yang, life and death, and so much more. I believe at this point everyone had basically learned of this simple yet intriguing concept. Yet, there's so much we can learn and apply to our everyday life from this simple concept. I, for one, always try to use this concept to uphold my righteous senses, my guidance through major life decisions, and how I try to affect the people around me. Let's talk about the most common things, ever heard about tiny white lies? I imagine this as the little white dot (yang) inside the black (yin) area, this symbolizes even the evilest act you can possibly imagine always leaves a good purpose even though it's so little that no other can see it. This applies the other way around, take being a hypocrite for an example. Even with all the white surrounding you, you still have this one little black dot inside you just haunting you within your dreams. Even though you end up living a good life, the thoughts of achieving something good through a bad way will always make your life less enjoyable even a little.

Now, let's talk about love and relationship. Many people wonder about how to actually love someone truly, accepting them the way they are or wishing to help them be a better person? Even though the answer has always been so simple, and of course it's by balancing the both of them. Accept their flaws, even though they have bad habits, who knows those bad habits would someday save you or would just make your day. Help them chase their greatness, push them to the direction they really want to go to. It's that simple, but humans start to forget about simplicity in life.

I always try my best to do positive things, even though my negative thoughts would haunt me now and then. But I just went with it, I didn't fight over myself just because I'm depressed or anything. In the end, you can't rush finding balance, it just finds you when you're least expecting. Lastly, always remember the things that keep you warm may also burn you and things that can quench your thirst may also drown you. Carry on, besties.