Frivolous Scribbles

Okay, what should I start this with...

First of all, I'm gonna stop using Blogger, doesn't mean I'm gonna stop writing. I'm just moving to Wordpress (because I feel like it). This blog has recorded 5+ years of my experience, a lot of stuff happened, and I feel fulfilled that I had the time to take care of this blog. I feel kinda different now, well not literally now, I mean in the last few months. I don't have any exact reason, but for the sake of professionalism, I guess? Yeah, I'm moving to Wordpress, because I feel like I have changed this blog one too many times already, and I don't wanna change it further. I'll probably keep writing this way, though. There's just some new ideas I wanna implement, that I feel Wordpress would be a more suitable platform for it. So yeah, that's that.

I'm slowly moving towards re-designing my Soundcloud also. Well, I don't know if I'll be still using Soundcloud later, but that was the plan anyway. I'm trying to make some kind of... character, I guess? For the Soundcloud, that is. That character would be my starting point to whatever I wanna do next, probably still covers, making songs is hard work, dood. I'm having a lot of fun doing it lately, tho. I'm still trying to convert from FL Studio (the one I've been using for like, I don't know, the last 2 years?) to Ableton Live, which is actually a good decision now that I think about it. I also played a lot with Vocaloid, so you might see that soon too. But, all the music thingy will be done after the writing thingy. So yeah, that's that.

So yeah...

This blog was really fun to work on, and I just feel like it's the time to let it be. I remember writing the first post as a really awkward teenage mutant ninja turtle boy who was too shy to even let people read his writing. Now, I'm feeling more open, I guess? Like, a lot more open, I don't know how that happened. Five-years-ago me sucks anyway, so I'm glad I'm this way now. So yeah, if you enjoy my writing, expect my Wordpress soon? I'll probably leave the link here later when it's up and running. For now, let's wrap it up with a quote.

"Because closing one page might bring up a whole new chapter."

- Andri Kurniawan a.k.a Cloudle

By the time you read this, I would probably be asleep thinking about you, the late night conversations that we lately had, and the spaces between my fingers where yours should have been. To be honest, you changed me, I would never thought that I can be this defenseless. I never believed that I, who is more of a realist, would be brave enough to consider a certain dream where you will be waiting for me.

I'm just enjoying the breaths that I take, absorbing what's left of you while you're dozing off, and realizing how much can a person just complete you so. I would be dreaming about the future that we share, the little jokes that wouldn't stop making our heart race, and all the plans that we have made... if I hadn't been scared. It just weighs me so that the more you fall for someone and the more you get convinced to them, the more you'd be afraid of the reality to be taking them away from you. Sometimes, it's that ironic.

I want to fight my fears with you. Even though I would end up hurting myself, I just wanted to love you more than this. I don't know what spell you cast on me, I even loved your selfishness. In the end, this might sound like I'm daydreaming or that I am just that unsteady when it is about you. Anything can happen in the future and I don't know if I'm taking the right steps every time I try to get closer to you, but what I know is that... you made me a believer.

Dear Night,

By the time you read this, you're probably somewhere far away, wandering in the cold afternoon, playing with the snow. I'm doing fine... or whatever we used to call it, I'm not currently fighting the urge of my old habit. Don't ask about my love life, you know the best that it's just a constant cycle of getting it on and moving on. But, how exactly are you doing? I want to hear that, really.

I am worried. Well, I don't have anyone else to talk to, so I'm worried if it might be the same for you. I mean, trying to keep everything in place by yourself is hard, not to mention if we can no longer share it with anyone. No, don't worry about me, I'm just tracing back my footsteps. I hope you won't though, just find another way that is better for you.

Do you know that there's actually 4 kinds of love? I really like Greek's because they can capture love with these different terms perfectly. They said there's 4 kinds of love--agape, eros, philia, and so on--and they are all so different. Agape is the love that transcends, it's basically the love of God to its creation, and from its creation to God, but it can also mean as the love for everyone (selfless love). Eros is mostly the love of sexual passion, or should I say, intimate love. Philia is the love of affection between equals, like deep friendship, brotherly love or family. Now, I'm not really sure about the last one, some said it's pragma or the longstanding love (like between old married couples), some other said it's Philautia or the love of self, some even said there's completely six of them including Ludus or playful love. Fascinating, huh?

Well, sorry this turned a kinda bit long, I know you don't have much time for me. No, I'm not blaming you, I know how the day works and I'm not that stupid. Don't think too much, okay? Sometimes knowing will only hurt you more. Again, I'm writing this far away from you, so I'm not scared of being honest. Anyway, be fine.

Seperti yang kamu bilang, tidak ada yang bertahan selamanya. Semua akan musnah saat tiba masanya.

Aku tidak lagi menyukai suaramu. Bicaramu membuatku lemah, seakan kamu sengaja mengatur frekuensi dari setiap kata yang kamu ucapkan agar terdengar hingga relungku yang terdalam. Nyanyianmu terlebih lagi, membuatku candu seperti suara hujan petir di tengah malam yang diam-diam kunikmati.

Aku tidak lagi menyukai kabar darimu. Entah itu hanya basa-basi yang selalu saja membuatku ingin menanti, atau permintaan-permintaan kecil namun bermantra sihir besar. Cerita-cerita seharusnya tak bermakna yang kamu jejali dengan arti dan keinginan-keinginan kecilmu yang memegang kendali jarak jauh akan seluruh anggota tubuhku. 

Aku tidak lagi menyukaimu, ketidakhadiranmu yang hanya menyisakan rindu, keegoisanmu yang hanya membuahkan hasrat, ketenanganmu yang hanya membuatku semakin gugup, serta betapa terbiasanya aku untuk berada di dekatmu. Aku sudah tidak lagi menyukaimu, namun aku takut kini lebih dari itu.

Semoga waktu tidak lagi menyukai perpisahan.

pick gitar yang tidak lagi ingin memetik senar lainnya,

Andri Kurniawan

Bukan masalah jarak yang tak dapat ditempuh, bukan juga masalah situasi yang tak dapat diubah, melainkan hal-hal bodoh seperti siapa yang menertawakan lawakanku, siapa yang memberiku nasihat (meski buruk sekalipun), dan siapa yang begitu memperhitungkan pendapatku. Suaramu mungkin tak lagi terdengar, namun lantunan lagu ini belum berakhir. Ini masalah perjalanan, bukan tujuan.

mungkin lain kali,

Andri Kurniawan

There she was sitting in the usual place, reading the usual book, wearing the usual white shirt and pair of blue jeans, and of course her usual brown shoes. But, she was never more beautiful than this, it's like I can't even take my eyes off of her anymore.

She is as charming as Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 14 in C-sharp minor "Quasi una fantasia", Op. 27, No. 2—or should I say, Moonlight Sonata—that first struck me as...good. But then, the more I listened it, the more I grew to love it. She was arranged as perfect as the bridge, even though few actually adored the part. She is that beloved.

She is as lovely as Perseids meteor shower, there to make my dark nights lighter. As I try to fathom my limitless yearning of her intricate laughter. I fell for her as fast as memoirs of space disintegrate through the atmosphere, before they rain down to the ground and stay. Stay as long as the theories of universe itself exists. She is that timeless.

She is as beauteous as lyre flowers, enough to make my heart bleed. And she would bloom all year round, because even if the petals wither, her presence within me will not falter. The scent of her would weaken me, bringing me down to my knees, a poisonous aroma that I can never get away from. She is that enticing.

She is you, the spring breeze that blew away the leaves of my fall, the summer heat that warmed me through the snows of my winter. And until I meet you in the perfect time of the year, I just want you to stay near. For I can never explain all the secrets of the universe to you, but I can tell very well what I have for you.

the rain doll in the midst of storm,

Andri Kurniawan

If I were to say that I have seen leprechauns, would you believe me? They try to fulfill everyone's wishes, hoping to satisfy each and single one of them. Partaking in mischief, trying to protect their pot of gold, even though it's always there at the edge of the rainbow. In the end, all they needed was their own freedom.

If I were to say that I have seen vampires, would you believe me? They live by leeching on another people, spilling their blood like it was just water. They'll act humble in the light, but when the darkness comes don't even hope you'd survive staying with them. They might even turn into another kind of creature when you look away.

If I were to say that I have seen fairies, would you believe me? Because the littlest kindness is actually hard to see. Sometimes they would be flying around you, yet you only notice the things tested and true. Still, they will be flying in your vicinity, turning little dreams into reality. All the sparkles and glitters, yet no eyes to see.

If I were to say that I have seen zombies, would you believe me? Because being dead inside means they are mostly not living. Trying so hard to chase what left inside humans, but was it brain or was it the feeling of being alive? And their feet would eventually give up on them, still they take hasty steps considering the numb.

Once upon a time, there was a boy living by the fear of losing himself.

Back at the kindergarten, he never had any friends. His world is already full of himself. He didn't even bother to remember any of his classmate names. If there was one person who managed to get into his mind, it was his big brother. The brother obviously was not a good person. The brother would smoke and drink whenever the parents weren't home. The boy however, could tell what's good and what's bad already. So, he asked to his brother. "Why are you doing bad things whenever mom and dad aren't home?"

"Thanks, kid." His brother would answer him. "Sometimes we just can't stop doing bad things, it is how humans are. But, you need to keep reminding them. You need to help them figure out what's good and what's bad."

After fifth year living together, the brother passed away. The boy never really looked up to his brother, he didn't even cry at his funeral. But soon, the incompleteness got to him. He felt something was lost inside, so he tried to take a look at his heart, literally. The parents stopped his nonsensical act, obviously. In the end, the boy took his brother's words to fill the space left empty within him.

The boy grew up and changed, drastically. He grew up watching how humans work, trying to figure out how they rise and how they fall. He grew up watching his parents fight, his older sister being problematic, and himself, being in an existential crisis. Soon, he realized that nothing has changed. Even if he knew what went wrong, he couldn't just change it by himself. He was powerless and stupid, yet he kept his brother's words.

Now, he learned how to love each other. He learned that appreciating the littlest things would make any humans feel satisfied because of it. He learned that he could just live without being himself, no one will find out. So, he tried to keep living with his brother's words, trying to save the image of a person he regretted not knowing better. But yet he wondered, who's going to save him? 

For the sake of comfort and convenience, I'll write this one random post in my everyday language.

Pernah mikir ga kalau manusia tambah hari tambah ribet? Mungkin faktor teknologi yang makin memudahkan satu sama lain untuk saling membully? Mungkin faktor cuaca yang makin panas dan bikin gampang naik darah? Atau mungkin faktor emang udah saatnya kita berpikir sejenak untuk setidaknya memperbaiki diri sendiri? Hidup itu singkat, coy. Jangan diabisin dengan keras kepala dan ga ngedengerin omongan orang lain yang sebenernya peduli sama kita. Lanjut ke masalah kalimat-kalimat yang akhir-akhir ini sering terdengar, coy.

"Jadi orang jangan baik-baik ntar dimanfaatin."

Terus mau jadi penjahat semua nih ceritanya? Terus orang baik gaboleh dimanfaatin dan harus dibiarin sendiri aja? Wake up, coy. Someone must stand up and take charge. Kalau kamu ngerasa sakit hati jadi orang baik karena dimanfaatin mulu, mungkin kaji ulang tuh resolusi awalnya. Masa ada orang baik capek jadi orang baik? Kalau mau jadi orang baik, jangan setengah-setengah, coy.

"Udah tau namanya manusia, masih aja diharap."

Coy, kalau capek percaya ama sesama manusia terus mau ngasih amanah ke hewan apa, coy? Diphp sama satu orang dampaknya ke seluruh umat apa? Disakitin sama sekelompok orang pengaruhnya ke alam semesta apa? Ya namanya juga belajar saling percaya coy, kadang kita disakitin, kadang juga bisa kita nyakitin. Mumpung masih sama-sama manusia yang tinggal di bumi ya jangan berhenti saling percaya, coy. Kalau memang udah ga bisa percaya sama satu orang, masih ada 7 miliar manusia lainnya menanti untuk jadi tempat sandaranmu kok, coy.

"Kadang di dalam hubungan kita cuman butuh waktu sendiri buat mikir."

Bullshit, coy. Time heals everything, but it won't change a thing if you don't do anything. Yaudah sih, kalau berantem ya berantem, kalau langgeng ya langgeng, jangan memperumit apa yang kita sebut hubungan. Sayang itu selalu sederhana, coy. Kalau ga sederhana mungkin bukan sayang namanya. If you love them, let them go. If they come back, they are yours. Jadi, jangan suka bikin rumit hubungan sendiri, coy. Kalau memang ada masalah, ya segera omongin, coy.

Dan untuk kalimat-kalimat terkutuk lainnya, seperti :

"Baperan lu." "Kepo amat sih jadi orang." "Cowo kok nangis sih." "Cewe kok kasar sih."

Mungkin udah saatnya kita ingat manusia udah sepantasnya bersikap manusiawi, coy. Udah semestinya kita ngebawa perasaan di dalam setiap keputusan kita. Udah sewajarnya kita ingin tau satu sama lain dan tentunya saling peduli. Udah sepantasnya ada saatnya kita capek dan bersikap bertolak belakang dari bagaimana kita biasanya. Kita cuman perlu saling memaklumi, coy.

Namanya juga lebih sederhana, ga susah kan, coy? Satu lagi, coy. Kalau sayang sama orang, ya bilang, coy. Gausah soal pacar deh, mau sahabat, orang tua, keluarga, atau bahkan guru sekalipun. Jangan ragu apalagi malu buat ngomong sayang ke mereka, coy. Mumpung masih ada kesempatan dan waktu yang memungkinkan, ya kenapa nggak, coy? Daripada ntar udah ga bisa ketemu lagi, kan nyesel sendiri, coy. Akhir kata, simplicity is the ultimate sophistication, coy.

"Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken,

even as the eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open."

-Say What You Need To Say, John Mayer-

entah INFJ atau INTJ,

Andri Kurniawan

It's not the same without you.

Funny thing that we never really celebrate each other's birthday, but I guess that's just how we were. I won't even write things like this if you're still here. But let this pointless letter be the last thing I'm going to write about you. Sorry for always bringing up your name to the littlest things that reminded me of you, but you can rest in peace now, buddy.

Remember when we talked about our biggest dreams? It was kinda stupid and impossible to do, but none of us even laughed, I kept plucking on the strings of my guitar and you kept on smoking while gazing into the night sky. Those times wouldn't come back, but I know I have it treasured deep within me.

Happy birthday, buddy. Sorry for not being able to say it in the past.

It's just not the same without you.

"Put the knife down," Dad said to me. Despite the tense atmosphere, everyone was still sitting down in the dining room, except me. I ran to the kitchen again to grab this knife for the countless time.

I lowered the knife, which was pointing at my chest the whole time and I finally let go of it. I never realize how tight I gripped the hilt until now, my hands feel numb, just like how my entire body feels. I feel ashamed of myself, but I do feel more ashamed of them. 

You just can't handle your problems well.

You need to take it easy and stop being so dramatic. 

You're only a boy, stop thinking so much about everything.

They don't understand and neither do I. It's not like I wanted to be this way, it's not like I was happy hurting myself. It just came once in a while and I... I don't know what to do. My life always feel so empty and I end up filled with nonsense. My mind turned into a train of thoughts, and before I knew it, I would keep the words they said to me like another scar.

Yes, sometimes words are knives and often leave scars, but that wouldn't be happening if you don't take them to heart. Then again, it's not for me to say. I guess I have to try to open up a little, because they said there will be no harm in doing that.

Well, they lied to me. The more I opened up, the more they'll leave me be. They said I'm being dramatic again, they said I talk too much about the unimportant things. It was you guys who talk too much! Just how long do you guys think I've been listening to your whining? I just never said anything because I know how it hurts to be turned down... I never really opened up to someone, not even once. That's why once I found someone appropriate, I ended up talking too much. In the end, they would hate me for telling these kinds of things. I'm so stupid, right?

But, I survived this dreadful accident called life. I can feel my breath as it goes to leave my mark behind on this beautiful world. I put up a facade and I fake my confidence, so eventually it will come to me. And I'm up to try to help anyone with the same sorrowful eyes, so one day everyone will get the attention they deserve. I'm alive, only because this pain is keeping me so.

the trigger you haven't pulled yet,

Andri Kurniawan 

I just opened his flash drive and...found this recording and...let's not talk about details. Everything kinda reminds me of you know, dood, I can't seem to understand why. Well, I'm not gonna pry for the past or anything, let me just sing in my mind or so for tonight. But hey, it's okay to break down once in a while, right dood? 

Therapy by All Time Low

My ship went down
In a sea of sound.
When I woke up alone I had everything;
A handful of moments I wished I could change
And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade.

In a city of fools,
I was careful and cool,
But they tore me apart like a hurricane...
A handful of moments I wished I could change
But I was carried away.

Give me therapy.
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy...
You were never a friend to me
And you can keep all your misery.

My lungs gave out
As I faced the crowd.
I think that keeping this up could be dangerous.
I'm flesh and bone,
I'm a rolling stone
And the experts say I'm delirious.

Give me therapy.
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy...
You were never a friend to me
And you can take back your misery.

Arrogant boy,
Love yourself so no one has to.
They're better off without you.
(They're better off without you.)

Arrogant boy,
Cause a scene like you're supposed to.
They'll fall asleep without you.
You're lucky if your memory remains.

Give me therapy.
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy...
You were never a friend to me
And you can take back your misery.

Therapy...
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy...
You were never a friend to me
And you can choke on your misery.

Let's go back to a simpler time, shall we?

When things that are happening on the other side of the world doesn't directly affect you. Criticism was only a little reminder, not a faith-in-humanity destroyer. Media was a window that showcases the entire earth, not a bridge that connects one insignificant problem to another. People were ignorant but responsible beings, not the other way around. When things were simpler, not as hard to understand.

When being emotional was just a part of the phase, not a back door to ruin your own future. When being curious was a good deed to others, not sticking your nose where it doesn't belong to. When being affectionate was how you show love, not how you show fear or obedience. When we all said what we needed to say, not what we wanted to say. When things were simpler, not as complicated as it should be.

When being true to yourself was how you find answers, not how you get lost. When admitting your own fault was the key to stop the fights, not how you get deeper in trouble. When asking for forgiveness was the way to end the conflicts, not asking for money or power. When war was declared to survive, not to eradicate. When things were simpler, not as destructive and regretful.

When the world was a greener and a tranquil place. When the stars shone brighter than the lights of the skyscrapers. When the night sky was filled with meteor showers, not the emission gases of the industrial towers. When walking slow-paced was how you appreciate life, not how you get unappreciated by others. When things were simpler, not... just not like this.

Let's go back to a simpler time, shall we? When love was a matter of accepting each other, not trying to change each other. When love was a way to spread happiness, not a way to gain profit from shady businesses. When love was a language so powerful, that no other can ever be as beautiful. Save your loved ones, go back to a simpler time, when love was and still is, the way to say we need each other.

the past treasurer,

Andri Kurniawan

Dear Night,

If I am currently thinking clearly and not mistaken, I realize that you are getting longer, day by day. There's so many things I want to tell, for I don't feel like writing at all until now. Thus, I had to divide this letter into 4 parts. But for now, how are you? I decide that I haven't been talking to you recently. All I have been doing was ranting like a mad person to the ceiling, reading some books without taking any single break, or either losing myself in all these hallowed thoughts which I never seem to find the end of. I was not busy, I only forgot to listen to your silence for quite a while, but now I know that I have to explain things.

Firstly, I am not in a good condition. Things get worse, I haven't seen the light of it since a year ago or so, now I don't want to rant about it, I just want to tell what's really happening. If I never had any mental breakdowns for a long time, now seems like a good time to have one. I'm feeling like a kid with ADHD...on high caffeine, but with nothing left to do. I don't know where to channel my rage, I don't even know who should I talk about it with now (that's why I'm talking to you), and even my OCD is over-reacting. All right I was just joking, but I don't feel like doing anything anymore, really. The hardest part is staying positive about it, which is what makes me...me. I hate myself.

I just lost a good friend, not just good "good", he's more than that. Now since you have read this far, I will tell you something I haven't shared for quite a long time. I had an older brother once, not blood-related, but I've known him since I was born. He was...how should I say it, wild in not a very good way, but he taught me so many things anyway, he protected me from everything that would harm me, the things that he is involved in. He protected me from things that he is involved in. Long story short, I lost him when I was 6, I never really lost a close relative before, the only thing I felt that time was...incompleteness. Going back, this friend of mine, I already view him as my new older brother... We had a past which he might not remember, but I do, I regret not being able to tell him. I'll pray for his serenity, I don't care anymore, he is a good person and I personally know it.

Now, the last thing wasn't really something serious. It's everyday's thing and I should have known better. I should have recognized how people take a step back from me every time I turned into someone else--or to myself?--which really disturbs my balance. My love life, on the other hand, is not helping at all. I don't feel like loving anymore, I don't even love myself and I should think about loving someone? I am too disrupted to do that. Basically, everything is not fine at all, but who the hell cares? I am good at lying, even I would believe I am doing fine. If you're thinking that I am a good person, now's the right time to change your mind. I am chaotic, my mind is always in a constant debate between light and dark, I have no time to care anything beside myself.

Okay, Night, now seems like a good time to end this letter. Again, I'm writing this far away from you, so I will not be afraid of telling you anything. No one can take off my mask anymore, no one can even make me change my mind, I want to keep going, even through a path of ambient shadows. Life is about taking stabs in the dark and who knows what I will hit--myself probably--but, who knows? And again, from far away, I will say Good Night.

Good Night,

Andri Kurniawan

Love, comes in different kinds of form.

"Sweet dreams." "You look pale." "Was it boring?" "Sleep tight." "Don't worry." "How it goes?"

"Are you okay?"

It might be there just when you open your eyes, so open them wide before you cry. It might be on the other side of the door, so reach out your arms and let it come to you. It might be waiting right behind you, so look into the past and see what you have missed. It might be high up there somewhere along the stars, so aim high. Aim high and never look down again.

You might be a child with an unfortunate story, but you are now a healthy human being. You might be a joker crying under those masks, but you are now a healthy human being. You might be a teenager not having any dream, but you are now a healthy human being. You might be the one who needs love the most, but what's the point in taking and not giving? Because maybe the problem is not about them. Because maybe you just need to open up a little. Because as long as you're healthy human being, you can make everything better!

Save your sadness for the ones who deserve them. There will be shoulders to cry on, so don't worry about losing yourselves. But, your happiness is what everyone deserves. Because when you make someone happy, they will smile. And when they smile because of you, you would also automatically smile. Because love is contagious, and the best thing is, you don't have to be afraid of it.

Love, comes in different kinds of shape.

And yes, I do love you, the one reading.

Anais, are you okay?

I'm sorry, I think I've been running away from my dreams. I have to chase you from the start again, right from the beginning. I will run with all the strength I've left inside, even if it takes me 9 years or so. I just wanted to see you, even if it's the last thing I can do, I will still see you. So, wait for me, Anais, wait for me like I've been waiting for you.

When was the last time you cried? I forgot the last time I can actually understand you. What do you want from me? Every step I took feels like I was walking on a landmine. Do you want me to take off my mask for you? But, I can't seem to bring myself to worsen your problems. We are in ruins, and you should have noticed, but you didn't. Are you sleeping peacefully right now? Well, I am not, but thanks for making me more confused. Do you want me to continue on being like this? Do you want me to jump off a cliff? Do you want me to hang myself in my own room? I don't even know anymore. Was everything just another lie? Because if it is, you just murdered me again.

Are you okay? Because I am certainly not.

Sweet dreams, Anais.

IT HAS ARRIVED!

I had this pre-ordered for quite a while already, but I planned it to arrive on my birthday three days ago. But, what do you know! Because last Friday was Good Friday and it's an international holiday, my gift got suspended to arrive today, yes, today. *put on a mean comment here*

There's one thing that I really want to write in this post today, and that is today is the day I start working on the promise I've made to you. I don't want to run away anymore with a handful of excuses anymore, and I will start doing what my heart tells me to do, just like you when you decided on becoming a singer. So, thank you for holding on as my inspiration in these seven years, your courage means a lot to me.

And I want to share these words I treasure to anyone reading, DO NOT be afraid to let go of the world you know. If your heart tells you to sing, then sing your heart out. If it tells you to shout, then shout until the whole world can hear your heart beating. Listen to your heart before it's too late, before it's whispers start to fade. Life might gives you what you want, but only you, yes, only your heart can get you what you need. 

The last two years had been fulfilling, I wanted it to stay like this. But, I feel there'll be another change going on, and it's coming soon. I don't really know how to take on this one, I feel rather happy, but I also hold a little regret. Well, whatever happens, I'm still aiming high to catch up to my dreams, and I hope you will too, no matter what the circumstances.

Oh, by the way, my mom and dad are going umrah. My mom sent a text about it last morning, I was hoping for a phone call today, but I guess my parents have much more important thing to take care of. Anyway, please pray for them to come back home safely! And please also pray that one day I can be the one to take them there... hehe. :')

This has been some random stuffs molded into one, and thus, I apologize. I will still be working on my blog, and hopefully more actively from now on.^^ Also, don't forget you can always send requests to me! I'll do it in my free time and of course for experience. :3 Thank you for sticking with me and my weird blog! And please have a nice stay since it's only going on one way, weirder! Last words, you're the only one who get to decide who you really are. Carry on, besties!

a half-written dictionary,

Andri Kurniawan